ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
