Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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