yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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