he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
