i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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