don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
