if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
