kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
