i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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