It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
