Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
