Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
