Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
