I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
