i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
