A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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