I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
