You smell like a Billy Joel song
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
