FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
