oh god the rape fog is back!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
