I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
