In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
