Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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