We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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