Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
