Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Plan B is the new Plan A
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
