I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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