Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
