you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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