Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
