Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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