i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
