i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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