When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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