i jhust puked up my retainher.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
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i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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