i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
