no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
