sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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