you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
