I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
