I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
