just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
