Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
