i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it's like iHOP with fire
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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