Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
