TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize