My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
