You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
