I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize