I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
