I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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