So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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