Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
