Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
