She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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