Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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