i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
