mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The air was thick with penises
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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