if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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