DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
