why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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